The joy of conception is enough to believe every child is a success. Many strive on having children, but not all have them. A child can be gotten through conception, marriage or adoption. Conception is actually the most natural way, a situation in which a male and a female conceive a child. Although conception may be legitimate (marriage) or unplanned (out of marriage). Either way, a child is born into this world.
The tag “bastard” is discriminatory. A proper translation is illegitimate child or offspring. A child can only be illegitimate to his father and so have no right to inherit the father or bear his name. in many societies, a lineage could be patrilineal or matrilineal. However, It is usually matrilineal in a situation in which the child is born out of wedlock. That child bears the mother’s surname, for example, Prophet Isa (AS) is always referred to in the Quran as the son of Maryam. I know, you will say his conception was a miracle. Even if a child was conceived out of rape or fornication. We should treat the child right by according him his Fundamental Human Rights as a human being. The mother’s family should accept him as a legal member of their family, by accepting this fate is accepting that it is the way Allah has willed the baby to come to earth. The legitimacy of the birth of a child does not stop Allah’s plan for such a child. Allah is the creator; Allah is the bestowal of destiny. A child’s self-esteem is built from home. So we should not victimize any member of the family. Such ill-treatment only harbours hate. Where such hate will eventually manifest to destroy the family.
“My Lord, grant me from Yourself a good offspring. Indeed, You are the Hearer of supplication.” [Qur’an: Chapter 3, Verse 38]
The Prophet Muhammad SAW was reported to have said: “I rise up to pray, with the intention to elongate my prayer, thereupon I hear the cry of a child which makes me shorten my prayer disliking to make it hard on his/her mother.” [Reported by Al-Bukhari 868]
Another situation is the acceptance of a child with special needs. We pray to Allah to perfect His creations. We also pray to Allah to grant Shifa to the sick. The psychological effects of having a child with special needs are enough for the parents. It is unfortunate that society never allows parents to heal. A child’s need can vary from minor to the primary. The financial situation of caring for a child with special also varies. The time pull needed to care for a child also varies. The whole stress can to the extreme break a family. Some of these needs may require surgical interventions, while others may include a consistent visit to the therapists. It is imperative for the extended family to lend a helping hand where they can. Your family should be your support system and not your problem. The acceptance of children with special needs should be done unanimously by a member of the family. A child’s physical or mental challenges will not change his surname. Instead of mocking the parents and adding to their pain, we should try EMPATHY. Prophet Musa had a speech impediment, yet Allah made him great. Many geniuses have suffered one form of physical or mental challenge. Yet many parents want their children to be geniuses. They want the success without the struggle.
(20:25) Moses said: “Lord! Open my breast for me;14
14. That is, fill my heart with the courage that may enable me to perform the obligations connected with the great mission of a Messenger, and give me the confidence for its fulfilment. Prophet Moses (peace be upon him) prayed for this because he realized the grave responsibilities of the great mission.
IN Prophet Musa conversation with Allah he requested of Allah: (20:26) “and ease my task for me,(20:27) and loosen the knot from my tongue (20:28) so that they may understand my speech;” (Quran 20: 25-27)
An orphan, if we have an excellent extended family, the orphan child will not be a resident in the orphanage. If the extended family takes up the responsibility of caring for the orphan there will be no neglect. Many orphans have become great men. We all know that Prophet Muhammad was an orphan. And the success of his childhood can be seen by the love and care his uncle showed him. If a mother dies at birth, there is nothing wrong if a nursing mother in his parent’s family or parent’s circle of friends decide to breastfeed the child. So far as the person recognises that she automatically becomes the foster mother of that child. And if there is no one available, the baby can be formula fed. We should treat the child with love. By providing for the child’s basic needs. It is unfortunate that because of westernization, many of us stick to the concept of the nuclear family and close our eyes at the needs of our extended family. Many even do charity to strangers while members of their family rot in poverty. Is that not severing kinship or family ties? Why do people neglect to care for their nieces and nephews?
A child with both parent alive and appears to have a healthy development. The fact that your child is doing well in school and all other physical need does not mean that the child should be denied parental attention or love. Many parents with healthy children take it for granted. Sometimes it cost heavily. Everything seems fine until the child throws in a surprise. Every stage in a child’s life requires attention from the parent. It is the parent that will observe the strength of the child and help to nurture those potentials to greatness. Unfortunately, because of the economic situation of the world, we embark so much on the money searching missions. We forget the most important person(s) who are our legacy. We entrust their care to caregivers. In the end, we leave them wealth, which they do not need, and we wonder why there is an increase in old people’s home. How do you expect a child you do not care for to care for you? Do we care for our parents? It is the actions that we take that we hunt us in future. Instead of entrusting your children to strangers, take them to their grandparents so they can inculcate values in them. The holidays are coming again who will care for your child while you are at work? A holiday with their grandparent will foster love. Remember the birth of your child is a source of joy to them. A symbol continuity and legacy.
“If anyone amongst you intends to go to his wife he should say: ‘In the name of Allah, 0 Allah protect us against Satan and keep away the Satan from the one that you have bestowed upon us’, and if He has ordained a child for them, Satan will never be able to do any harm to him.” [Sahih Muslim]
The truth be told we cannot but be awakened by the consequences of our actions on building a child to be successful. Today there is a rise in youth suicide, depression, and intake of hard drugs, unhealthy sexual relationships, and domestic violence in all its shades. The family is the child’s first social stratification. Charity begins at home. The way we groom a child’s self-esteem will determine how successful and empathic the child will be.
A friend reminded me through his post that we should not forget that there are three types of intelligence: intelligent Quotient, Emotional Quotient and Social Quotient. The Intelligent Quotient is what helps one to be analytical and to be engrossed in classroom success “know book” book worm” nerd”. The Emotional quotient is what makes one be able to maintain peace with others, to be empathic towards others need. Social Quotient is what makes one be able to build a sphere or circle of influence by generating good people’s network. They are all successful if their intelligence is adequately groomed. A child with great IQ will become professor, scientist, and mathematician and will inevitably spend his life looking for a breakthrough in humanity, science and technology. The child with great IQ will probably be employed by the children with great EQ and SQ. the children with great EQ and SQ because of the people’s skill usually have great manipulative skills. The children with great EQ and SQ usually get to be very wealthy. The fact that the child with great IQ may not be wealthy does not mean he is not successful. A child with a high IQ will find great satisfaction in his inventions and breakthroughs.
The point is many parents focus on one intelligence quotient; the most time they want their children to achieve what they could not. The expectation on the child makes the child feel pressured when he cannot deal with this pressure, it leads to depression, and when he cannot come out of this depression, then he commits suicide. My grandma will say only a dead child is a failure. So I want us to remember that every child is a success. Your child will grow to be a sportsman, graphic designer, customer care officers, event planner, cobbler, salesman, entrepreneur, member of the armed forces, astrologist, astronaut, teacher, doctor, lawyer, engineer, accountant, banker, politician and so on. Whichever, occupation the child chooses to encourage your child to put in their best and fulfilment. Every child is a success.
- Abimbola Oyarinu post on INTELLIGENT QUOTIENT on his face book page 11-6-2019
- Parenting Lessons From Quran Surah Luqman | Productivemuslim, https://productivemuslim.com/luqman-parenting-lessons-part1/ (accessed June 13, 2019).
- Fact Sheet Parenting Time (visitation) – Cdn.ymaws.com, https://cdn.ymaws.com/www.sband.org/resource/resmgr/docs/for_public/ParentingTim (accessed June 13, 2019).