Growing up I realised as human it is always good to learn from people’s experiences by making sure one does not make the same mistakes. So many times, the reason ladies get married is due to pressure from families and friends not taking their own happiness into consideration. Choosing a life partner should be a discussion made consciously even though it may not guarantee happily ever after kind of marriage. However, you will be at peace with yourself, God forbid anything bad happens knowing fully well it was your choice and will be ready to take responsibilities of the result (good/bad).
In Islam, choosing a man you will be proud to be your children’s father is the first step. Quran 2: 221 “And do not marry Al-
The role of both husband and wife are clearly stated in the Quran. If only we are ready to play our roles according to the teaching of the Quran and the Sunnah of our beloved prophet SAW there will be no such thing as failed marriages talk more of divorce which is disliked by Allah SWA but it is allowed if that is the only solution to one’s sanity because Islam is totally against any form of injustice or mistreatment.
The scholars are not helping matters in this regard. During Nikkah they only lay emphasis on the role of the wife from not saying no to her husband when he asks for sex to taking care of him, cooking, cleaning etc some of which are not obligations on her but the society. Moreover, the so-called tradition has made it so, reason you see so many women look way older than their husbands since the only thing some husbands do is to just sit and watch the TV and press their phones while their wives cook, clean, take care of the children, do laundry and still expect her to attend to them in the other room without saying No even though
Another big issue is getting pregnant after Nikah the joy of every couple is to conceive after nikah but we can only wish its only Allah that gives children may Almighty Allah bless the womb of all women seeking the fruit of the womb (you can use this verse as your prayer point). After few months family and friends start asking the bride silly questions also giving unsolicited advice which ends up making some women depressed and could lead to some forms/ kinds of health issue. Most people blame the wife and ask her to go for check-ups forgetting that the problem can as well be from the man. So many women have wasted years going for the different test but finding out later that the man who claims to be man enough has a low sperm count. If you ever find yourself in this kind of situation always insist you see a doctor together at the very beginning and most importantly a neutral Doc and not a family Doc that will tell both of you all is well and call the husband behind closed doors later. Please, stop bothering yourself over something you have no control over it is clearly stated in the Quran that Allah gives and takes lives.
If at the end of the day she finally conceives and gives birth to a baby girl Subhanallah instead of giving thanks to Allah SWA you see some impossible men raising eyebrow as if the woman is responsible for the sex of the child uncle you are the one carrying the XY sex chromosomes she has XX and will always donate an X is left for you to donate X and have a female child XX or Y and produce XY a male child by the will of Allah SWA. Quran 42;49-50 “To Allah belongs the kingdom of the heavens and the earth. He creates what He wills. He bestows female (offspring) upon whom He wills, and bestows male (offspring) upon whom He wills. Or He bestows both males and females, and He renders barren whom He wills. Verily, He is the All-Knower and is Able to do all things”.
As mothers, our primary responsibility is to care for our children while the fathers make provision of whatever it is we need to care for them. “The mothers shall give suck to their children for two whole years, (that is) for those (parents) who desire to complete the term of suckling, but the father of the child shall bear the cost of the mother’s food and clothing on a reasonable basis. No person shall have a burden laid on him greater than he can bear. No mother shall be treated unfairly on account of her child, nor father on account of his child. And on the (father’s) heir is incumbent the like of that (which was incumbent on the father). If they both decide on weaning, by mutual consent, and after due consultation, there is no sin on them. And if you decide on a foster suckling-mother for your children, there is no sin on you, provided you pay (the mother) what you agreed (to give her) on a reasonable basis. And fear Allah and know that Allah is All-Seer of what you do”. Quran 2:233
Mother In Law
Most mothers care for their offspings because of the future benefit they expect from the children which have led to dislike amongst MILs and DILs.This notion of most mothers has caused so many problems in marriages, there are instances where you see mother in laws mistreating their DIL all in the name of he is my son and he has to do whatever I ask him to do even when it is crystal clear that she is crossing her boundary according to to the teachings of Islam all in the name of If I didn’t give birth or take care of him you won’t marry him. Please, let’s all fear Allah and fear the day we will all give an account of our deeds.
The big question I have for all MIL is “Do you care for your sons in a different way you care for your daughters if your answer is NO then what is it that changes after they are married which makes so many mothers in law wan to make rules in their son’s marriages and not their daughters. We need to call yourself to order and stop being a headache in the lives of fellow women. Islam encourages equal treatment amongst the children and not loving one more than the other to the extent it shows in the way we relate with them because it leads to jealousy, envy and evil taught which is evident in the story of prophet Yusuf ASW.
We need to call yourselves to order and stop being headache in the lives of fellow women all in the name of being the mother of their husbands. Lets endeavour to treat our DILs in ways we will want our daughters to be treated.
The husbands according to Quran 4:34 34. Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means. Therefore, the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their husbands), and guard in the husband’s absence what Allah orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity, their husband’s property, etc.). As to those women on whose part you see ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful), but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allah is Ever Most High, Most Great.
The Protection and maintenance of wives are just as important as caring for mothers. Men should be able to create a balance between their beloved Mothers and the mother of their children by being just between them at the same time according to their mothers the respect they deserve. May Almighty Allah guide us all, Amin.
Women should also learn to speak up when necessary and not believe Men are mind readers “And if a woman fears cruelty or desertion on her husband’s part, there is no sin on them both if they make terms of peace between themselves; and making peace is better. And human inner-selves are swayed by greed. But if you do good and keep away from evil, verily, Allah is Ever Well-Acquainted with what you do” Quran 4:128.
It is important for us all to know that our children are (Amanat) entrusted upon us all and we will be accountable to Almighty Allah on how we treated them. Our Daughters in law fall into this category from the very day they joined the family, please endeavour to follow the hadith of our beloved prophet SAW that says Fear Allah as he should be feared and die not except as a Muslim.