In the general study of human behavior, everyone loves to be respected and no one appreciates being insulted, bullied or oppressed. Human response to interaction results from the way and manner of approach, the conditions of instruction and request. This is also affirmed in a scientific study which is applicable and pervasive in our everyday lives;
The Newton’s third law of motion which states that “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction”. It was deduced from an experiment on the interaction of matter; a body and the forces acting upon it. A scenario very relatable to the happenings around us with respect to submission.
The home fronts are becoming dreaded of the word/act of submission. It has become an automatic assignment to be relayed without a task. It is part of the reasons why some women are losing themselves, forced to care less about their parents and often starts to commit shirk unknowingly. Submission connotes the action of yielding to a superior force or authority of another person without objection. Anything goes! Did Islam ask wives to submit?
In Islam, a man leads the home as evident in the verse of the Quran stated below;
“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means” [al-Nisaa’ 4:34]
Likewise, a woman is meant to obey and respect her husband to “what is reasonable” as far as marriage is concerned as evident below;
“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable” [Al-Baqarah 2:228]
How does this translate to submission when it is conditioned?
This clearly explained that a man should not oppress his wife or take her for granted. Rather, he should get her involved in anything that is of benefit to the household in terms of interest, his own interest including her own interest which must be conversed and done in a wise manner. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “The best of you is the one who is best to his wife, and I am the best of you to my wives.”
A woman is to obey her husband but any form of obedience that removes from her self-esteem, worth or degenerates her and makes her start disobeying Allah is definitely out of place. While a woman belongs to her husband within the fold of marriage, respect and obeys her husband as expected, there must be checks and balances because we all belong totally to Allah and total submission is due to Allah alone.
Submission of a woman to her husband is also expected in most cultures as it is a status quo for a married woman while it also appeals to the common sense of reasoning that in every circle of influence or any unit of the society, there must be a leader. A man is the driver of the home, the head and he is to lead by example (In my own opinion).
How does one fall short of humane character and expects to be given a commensurate treatment?
We have so many women in various homes enduring heartbreaking episodes all in the name of submission. Their manipulators usually pop up the notice and preaching on how her paradise is at husband’s feet, typical of one who twists interpretations to soothe self-goal. I am only conversant with paradise at the mother’s feet. Besides, how does marriage stops one from being a child to the mother? The adulterer, drunkards, violent, irresponsible and the abusive are not left out of the submission demand saga. Why is Islam being portrayed as if it endorses oppression and injustice? The following hadith is usually related:
- Abu Hurayrah reported that Allah’s Messenger (SAW) said: “When a woman prays her five (prayers), fasts her month (Ramadan), preserves her chastity, and obeys her husband, she will be told (on the Day of Judgement), “Enter Jannah from any of its (eight) gates.”
- It has been narrated on the authority of Umm Salama (ra) that Rasul’Allah (saw) said: “If a woman dies in a state when her husband is pleased with her, she will enter Paradise “. (Tirmidhi).
- Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 285 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah; Prophet (peace be upon him) said: Had it been permissible that a person may prostrate himself before another, I would have ordered that a wife should prostrate herself before her husband.
Is this enough reason to justify oppressing wives? The oppressors usually skip the self-assessment route to actually decipher if they fit into ” husband ” as Islam prescribes.
SUBMISSION IS EARNED!
When a man is dutiful, responsible and respects his wife, submission of a wife will radiate naturally. If care is not taken, she would get intoxicated with love that she might almost be worshipping the ground on which her husband walks.
This makes it needful for any single to get informed, be at alert and probably take a run with the speed of light when she hears him nailing and chocking on submission. Such a man isn’t on the look-out for a wife to treat as queen but just a domestic partner to raise babies, a lower entity to lord over, trample on, dictates to….. on “how & when” she would breathe, walk, sit, talk and so on and so forth.
Islam has placed a woman on a high pedestal such that as a mother, paradise lies under her feet. As a daughter, she opens the door of Jannah for her father. As a wife, she completes half of deen of her husband and prophet Muhammad (saw) mentioned in his final address to his Ummah; ” Be Good to women”
It won’t be surprising to discover that those men that are well brought up hardly mention submission. Why? They are the calm ones that are actually looking for a wife to be treated like a queen. They so much trust themselves that they would be submitted to effortlessly.
Nonetheless, there are always exceptions to all issues in life. Such are the misandrists, insatiable women and the radical feminists that would frustrate the life out of a man even if he has it, almost close to Rasulullah’s character; they are not open to negotiation, they can be so unruly and can never be wrong (Always right).
It is a big social problem emanating from bad peer influence and terrible upbringing. In as much as the prophet’s life with his wives was exemplary and we wish our husbands treads close, we should also try to emulate and be close to being an Aisha or a Khadija or a Maryam. These are women whom Allah had already granted paradise. Women of virtue and humility!
In conclusion, no one is flawless as we all have lapses that ain’t pleasant to our spouses. We can never be perfect. We can only try our best by managing each other’s shortcomings while giving room for improvement. This fact on its own is enough to put anyone away from demanding or trying to command submission.
May Allah guide us aright. Allahumo Aamiin. ©muslimahsvoices